Major changes. Again.

About a month ago Popeye came home from his two-week training with the military in Seattle. The next day he was called into the office and was fired. There was no warning. He had no write-ups, no disciplinary actions taken against him, nothin'. This stemmed from the hate of another deputy and instead of attempting to find out what was really going on, his employer just believed the lies and canned his most honest, hard-working deputy.
That day Popeye came home and I could visibly see the change on his face, in his walk, in the way he interacted with me and the kids. He was relieved. He was lighter. He was finally happy.
Happy until the lies continued and then the anger set in. It was easier, it seems, for Popeye to forgive and move on. He did it beautifully. Wrote a small email to the sheriff - never addressing the lies or pointing fingers of blame. Just gave a few words of advice and wished him luck and told him there were no hard feelings.
I, however, am struggling. I get one thought in my head about that man and it snowballs. The thoughts are a barrage of negativity that I can't seem to control. I want to approach him and tell him that he was wrong. I want to tell him that he has been deceived. I want to tell him how I've felt about him since the first time we talked almost 2 years ago. I want to tell him that the reason we continued to have WY plates on the van was not Popeye's doing, but mine. We were under the impression that Popeye was being deployed to Gitmo (remember that post a long time ago?) and that I was going to go back to WY while he was gone. We were anticipating getting a job with Laramie County in Cheyenne - why bother changing plates if we were going back? So I went to Cheyenne and re-registered the van. And bless my husband's heart, he won't let me take the blame. He just accepted the decision. I want to tell Sheriff Karl Dailey that he is an idiot. I want to tell him that a community that has been struggling with law enforcement for years was finally accepting us - was finally accepting Popeye. They like us. They love that Popeye does his job with patience, love & tolerance. They've made changes and they've come up to me and are so sad to see us leaving under these circumstances.
I want to tell that Sheriff that he is wrong. I want to tell him that he is a power-seeking, egotistical tyrant that had a personal vendetta with my husband and he abused that power. I want to tell him so many things. I want to use profanity. I want to yell and scream.
But I can't. It wouldn't change a thing and it would only make the feelings worse for me.
(Let me insert here that legal action is a no-go since Nebraska is an 'at-will' state and Karl could fire Popeye for having blue eyes if he wanted to.)
So on Sunday night, after conference, Popeye sat down with all of us. I have been feeling very over-whelmed with the fact that the money is starting to dwindle away and there isn't any hope of income in the near future. He sat down and recounted the story from the Book of Mormon of Nephi and his family crossing the sea on the ship that he built. He told the kids how Nephi's older brothers had tied Nephi up for 4 days and had threatened anyone who would help him. And because of their actions, they weren't able to get to the promised land right away. He said that our family is the same way. Unless we repent; start being nicer to each other, having scripture study & family home evening, helping happily, etc... then we're going to stay stuck here and we'll never get a job somewhere. 'Tis true, the Spirit confirmed this to me, as well.
After talking with them about all of that, he sat us each down and gave each of us a priesthood blessing. Some of them were sweeter than others, some of them were almost complete chastisement.
Mine was oh so sweet. But I'm having a hard time with it. In the blessing he told me of the truthfulness of the atonement. How the atonement wasn't only for the sins of the world, but the frustrations and anger as well. He counseled me to utilize the atonement so that these feelings can be gone.
I don't know how to do that, though. How do you forgive someone after they've hurt you as badly as they have? How do I keep these horrible thoughts from consuming me? How do I let Christ take over? If anyone has any experience with this, I'll be happy to listen to your counsel.
So we find ourselves looking around us and picking out what we are going to sell. Some of our treasures, some of the things that make us happy but won't get used for years to come - if at all, some of the bigger items that would make moving more bulky but would help to finance it if they sold. The couches will go. My beloved white leaning shelves. My scrapbooking supplies. Armoires. and the lovely knick-knacks that make me happy when I look at them. But I know we should try to get rid of as much as possible.
I don't know where we're going to go. There are only 25 school days left (maybe 23?) and then there will be nothing holding us here and we will move on somewhere. When I find out, I'll let you know.
So.
That's what's going on here. Today we're enjoying a blizzard (Snow Day) which means cleaning and baking. YUM! I do believe I smell some cookies baking right now - Popeye's really good at cookies. I think I'll go have one.
Carry on.