Do YOU have Four Ears?

Yesterday we got home from Omaha. Another long, twelve-hour drive with kids in the back.  At least this time we had air conditioning and only 3 of the 5 kiddos.  Princess Monkey Eyes stayed with Cowgirl and Thor stayed with New Friend (who doesn't have a made-up name yet).  Thanks be to them - immensely!

Anyhow.

After getting an x-ray taken of Mr. Fantastic's head, we saw the surgeon. The incision is perfect. There's no swelling whatsoever. It looks awesome.  Then we had a look at those x-rays.  I could see where the surgeon got the elctrodes in. 

See, there are 16 electrodes in a CI.  He got 8 of them in.  And when I say 'in', I mean, they're sitting in the bone growth of his CI.  They're barely in the cochlea.  He couldn't keep drilling through the bone because the corotid artery sits just behind it. And you don't want to go drilling holes in THAT, now do you? That would be bad.  So he got a partial insertion.
We went to get the ear turned on.
They tested all the electrodes.  They all were responsive.  And then they started seeing what could be heard.
Basically, nothin'.  Electrodes one and two were able to produce sound.  But that's it.  There's just too much bone growth in there.  It's too dense.  The sound waves can't push through it enough to get to the auditory nerve.

So what does that mean?  It means he can hear someone saying, "Ba Ba Ba Ba" but he doesn't know what it is.  It means: he won't be able to decipher between SH and SS and CH.  It means that it doesn't benefit him.
It means that his faith has been shaken. It means MY faith has been shaken.  It means that this was a pointless procedure. It means I feel guilty for convincing the insurance company to fork out the money for the surgery.  It means 3+ trips to Omaha = a waste of time and money.  (I say plus after that 3 because we'll be making another one in 3 weeks for a follow up.)

I am so angry.

And I'm so angry because I want to blog about my feelings but know that my blog has been a source for much gossip, I don't feel I can.

So I'm mad.  Really, really mad.  REALLY.

Last night Mr. Fantastic asked me, "Why doesn't it work?"  I didn't have an answer for him.  I told him to ask Heavenly Father.  So as he prayed, I listened.  He prayed (amongst other things), "Why doesn't it work? You told me it would and I believed You."
Talk about yanking your heart out.

I am wondering the same thing, Buddy.