My meeting with the stake president

Because this is somewhat of a journal for me, I'm going to record something extremely personal that happened on Sunday. I just don't do writing things down, but this something I NEED to record so that I can come back to it periodically.

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Sunday, May 6, 2012
What should have been a weekend stay in Cheyenne turned into another weekend of disappointed plans at home. We were supposed to be at drill with Popeye. But there were 4 Navy funerals happening on Saturday - two of which he was a part of. And because he was a part of them, he didn't have to go to drill on Sunday. So we stayed home.
Which ended up being an answer to unspoken prayers.

At church on Sunday our stake president happened to be there. Popeye leaned over to me and whispered, "Oh good! Now we can get our temple recommends renewed." So after sacrament meeting was over I walked up to him and asked if he would be around for awhile so that we could get that taken care of. There were a couple of other people that needed them, too, so it was perfect!
I was pulled out of my gospel doctrine class to meet with the branch president. Typical chit chat ensued and the standard questions followed.
And then I went to meet with the Stake President.
I had never met him before. I've smiled at him a couple of times but he always seemed too busy to notice me.
So we sat down in a quiet room and he looked me in the eyes with a smile on his face and asked, "How are you?"
"Fine. I'm fine."
It was quiet and he continued to stare at me. I was growing uncomfortable by the minute.
Again, I repeated, "Really. I'm fine. Everything's fine."
And he said, "I don't believe you."
Ummm..... "But I am."
At that point a class came in and we were kicked out. So we found ourselves another room to finish up and he still looked at me the same way. I sat there wracking my brain trying to think of any misdeeds I hadn't taken care of.
Because I was growing increasingly agitated, I said, "Maybe I should give you some background on me. We've never met before, so let me tell you some things." I proceeded to tell him of my issues with motherhood and one child in particular but also how I'm handling things and things seem to be getting a little better.
He shared with me a little about a woman he knows and her issues with motherhood as well and that it's completely normal for me to have issues. I'm not alone in this.
And then he said something that brought tears to my eyes causing my faux lashes to lift at the corners.
He said, "The Lord approves of you. You are doing the best you can as a mother and you have a thumbs up from Him. He approves of you."
I didn't think I needed to hear it. I always knew my kids were pretty good for other people and not real troublemakers outside of our home. But inside the walls of our home it is complete chaos and lack of love and the spirit. Also, there is always doubt and double-takes on judgment calls you make with them. Should I have held my tongue a little longer? I should have been more patient. I should have done this or that or NOT done this or that... We are our worst critics. But his words spoke to me so intently that I did not doubt they came from the Lord and that he was giving me a piece of revelation that I was too busy to hear anywhere else.
I thanked him for that.
He then continued on and told me that when he was called to be a Stake President he had no prior leadership callings under his belt. But when he was called, he promised that the words he said would ALWAYS reflect what Heavenly Father wants him to say. And he promised that it wasn't him saying them but that they indeed came from above.
We spoke of other things. At one point during our conversation he told me we couldn't continue on because there was something else we needed to talk about.
I honestly had no idea what else he thought we needed to talk about. We covered a lot of ground - and I pointed that out to him. So we chit chatted a little more, dug a little deeper into some stuff (and I can honestly say I don't remember what we talked about at this point). And then he cleared his throat and said, "Okay, we can move onto the questions now."

I left there feeling a stronger resolve to be better. To be kinder and more patient, even though the Lord approves of how I'm doing now, I know I can do better. But just in case I fall - like I frequently do multiple times a day, I know Heavenly Father is with me saying, "It's alright, you're trying, and I'm cool with that." Better than cool with it - He approves.

So.
IF you feel like you're the worst mother in the world for yelling about spilled peanut butter on the counter or the lack of help around the house; IF you feel like your kids are going to be scarred because you fed them cold cereal 2 nights in a row because you just couldn't get it together enough to cook something; IF you feel like your kids hate you because you put restrictions on their "freedom"; Do not fear. If the Lord approves of me - he approves of you, too.
We're trying and we're trying hard. And he knows it.

And that's it. No comments necessary - but if you'd like to leave one, you may.
Have a blessed week!