Silver Linings

A few days ago our kitchen sink started backing up. Eew. This is what happened since then.
Popeye whipped out the trusty snake and tried to fix it. Tried being the opporative word in that sentence. I think he pushed more gunk down than he pulled out. The snake is only 15 feet long and relatively skinny, so it's no wonder not a whole lot came out.
So he mumbled a bit, plunged the drains a lot, mumbled some more (no foul language, mind you, just mumbling) and tried the water again.
Didn't work. Popeye gets out shop vac and sucks the water out of the sink so I can wash dishes.
Popeye went to the store to get the heavy duty drain cleaner stuff. He came back with something generic. He wanted to save $2.00. He poured it down, let it set for a few hours, dumped some scalding hot water down there and watched as it all rose to the top again. Oh, and it also leaked all over the floor. The generic drain cleaner was bleach. That's it. Bleach. And it ruined one of my best bath towels.
So Popeye plunges more, snakes more, goes back to the store and buys the other stuff that was $2.00 more. It is hair clog remover. HAIR CLOGS people! Kitchen sink, not bathroom! We've lived here for over a year and I've washed my hair in that sink MAYBE 5 times in that time frame. I don't think we're needing hair clog remover. He had to shop vac the sink again.
So today, he takes the sink apart again and tried again to get the drain clear. "This is my mission," he says, "I will not be beaten! I will NOT call a plumber! This sink will NOT win!"
Uh huh.
After not succeeding again (because 'failing' isn't a word I want to use right now) I get out the phone book and call the local rental shop. Wouldn't you know it, they have a heavy duty snake - you know, PLUMBER QUALITY.
"How much? $16? I'll send my husband down right away."
Popeye shop vacs the sink for me again (so I can clean the NASTY kitchen that is coated in splatters from the sink being plunged so violently) and runs off to the rental shop.
Yeah, uh, didn't work. The snake won't bend at a 90 degree angle to get down the main line and removing said pipe was impossible because it's 60 years old, rusted and painted over.
Popeye returned the snake, hoping for a break since he only had it for 30 minutes and it didn't work for us.
No such luck.
Popeye went back to the store and bought a longer, skinny snake - 25 feet. SURELY this would get the clogged pipe opened up a little.
So after dinner I take off for cub scouts with Mr. Fantastic and Popeye is left snaking the kitchen sink again.
I come back 30 minutes later to him pouring boiling water down the drain.
Um, I might sound like a broken record at this point, but, it didn't work.
Popeye shop vac'd the sink again, threw the plunger on the floor and went and took a shower.
So, as a sum up: Checking account balance BEFORE sink backed up: $80 (give or take a few). Checking account balance now: $20.
Status of the kitchen sink: clogged
Status of Popeye's sanity and patience: depleted
Silver Lining: At least we have a shop vac.